E.25: 4 Stages For When You Suffer an Overwhelming Defeat
Season 3: Episode 25
4 Stages For When You Suffer an Overwhelming Defeat
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In this episode you will learn:
Why God-knocks help you open the door in faith
What happens when the enemy steals from you
How to be curious in the face of defeat
Episode length: 10:29
Transcript
4 Stages For When You Suffer an Overwhelming Defeat
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4 Stages For When You Suffer an Overwhelming Defeat 〰️
I’ve just come full circle on a recent overwhelming defeat. This was one of the “big ones” that derails you for months, or in my case, a whole year. I’m sure you know what it means to suffer an overwhelming defeat. You are in your head questioning your life choices. You find ways to skip around talking or engaging in the topic. You feel adrift for a long time, not sure how to get your life back on track.
Hello. My name is Angela Meer and I am the Head Dreamer here at the podcast God-Sized Dreams in Bite-Sized Chunks. If you have been looking for a way to make your life count, build your dreams in practical ways, and develop the skills you need to go the long haul, you’ve found the right place. I’m here to guide you with humor, inspiration, and authenticity. Welcome to God-Sized Dreams in Bite-Sized Chunks.
For the last ten years, I’ve been working on my graduate degrees. I’ve worked extremely hard, had incredible GPA’s and was very excited to start the research on my Ph.D. which was the goal of all this hard work. Last summer, I completed my comprehensive exams to pass into the Ph.D. program. I had almost a 4.0 GPA, so I wasn’t too worried about my answers to the questions. A month later I got my letter back from the administration. I had passed my Master’s degree, but the answers weren’t satisfactory for the Ph.D. program.
As you can imagine, I was devastated.
In fact, I was in shock.
Have you ever suffered an overwhelming defeat? Tell me about it in the comments, and let me know which one of these four steps helps you.
For the first month after, when I would normally be preparing for the fall course load, I told no one but my husband. The program I was in was the only kind of its type in the US, and transfer credits seemed almost impossible. All I could see were closed doors.
All I could see were closed doors
My bookshelf which prominently sits in our living room had almost a hundred books from school. I hated even looking in that direction. My friends from school were shocked and devastated that I wasn’t returning for the fall term of the Ph.D. program but I couldn’t even tell them what had happened. Their worried calls and texts went unanswered. I had finally ventured to tell my best friend and she had a similar response as my husband: God has a reason for this, you’ll see! It was really hard for me to see beyond those wasted years.
Slowly, as the months crawled into Christmas, I began to trust that God had a reason. And that was my first step in overcoming an overwhelming defeat.
1. Be gracious to yourself as you process what happened.
During this time my Daily Grow devoplannals were invaluable. I used them to journal through the pain in a safe place – the pages of my Daily Grow journal. I probed my own heart with the journal prompts. I used the prayer request list to place the question “Why?” prominently on top of the page. I knew what James 1:5 ESV said, “ If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” But I wasn’t sure I had the faith to receive the answer yet. But I kept trying.
2. Be curious again.
Slowly, my thoughts began returning to school. I noticed that even though I wasn’t in school I was taking a lot of e-courses on subjects that interested me. I hadn’t had that kind of time or ability since I had been in school. I was enjoying myself! During that season, I took a quiz that helped me determine which characteristics were most important to me. My quiz told me that Growth was the most important to me. I started to realize that I was born for school. I love to explore new topics and add to my knowledge. I love seeing the conversations that God would bring me into with others because of the varied topics I could speak to. Most of all, I loved sharing what I learned through teaching.
My heart was still in pain over the loss of my Ph.D., but slowly I started looking at alternative schools. Nothing seemed to match the direction I wanted to go. But at least I was looking and letting my heart begin to have faith. I felt like the father in Mark 9:23-25 ESV who said, “ ‘I believe; help my unbelief!” We are going to finish the last two stages after this short break.
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3. Be open to God-knocks.
Something miraculous happened, however, just about a month ago, the spring after I received the dreaded letter. Something popped into my heart, and I thought to myself, “I am so blessed to have studied something that is so difficult to understand without the help of the teachers at my old school.” I was able to look at my old bookcase. I even thumbed through and re-read some of the underlinings. I realized that I loved what I had learned and it afforded me insight into a world that I never would have had access to. It was like I had a knock at the door that I had slammed shut months ago. God wanted me to trust that he was leading me in a way that I did not know. That there was a plan of God unfolding that I didn’t understand yet. I just sat there, overwhelmed with gratefulness that God had brought me on this learning path, even though it didn’t have the outcome I wanted.
Shortly after that other God-knocks began to happen. I had a dream in which an announcer announced me as “Dr. Meer.” I was shopping in a clothes store and the still small voice of God said “Finish what you started” and nearly stopped me between aisles 4 and 5! And then, crazy enough, my dear friend suggested the Ph.D. program at her alma mater, a Christian school that had received great awards.
Up until that point, I hadn’t considered Christian schools. But as I began to look at their theology program, read the journals by the professors, and surf the pages of what the school was like, I began to see how what I had studied before could easily merge with their Theology program.
4. Re-open the door that God has initiated.
My God-knocks were still coming, but I hadn’t yet decided to reopen the door. I was shell-shocked still by my overwhelming defeat. Opening the door meant that the failure I had experienced in school might still be possible. I might not be accepted. But then, a final God-knock came and I knew that I had to answer.
I was sitting in a church class and the speaker was talking about the ways of God. He said, “Even when you don’t think you can if God is asking you to do it, there will be grace to do it.” An arrow shot right through my heart. I knew that I had to apply for the program.
Shortly after I applied, I got the answer from God that I had written in my Daily Grow journal months prior. “God, why did you have me go through all those classes just to fail at the end?
Unable to sleep, I was drinking tea in the living room around 3 am. God quietly spoke to me: “Angela, it was never my intention for that to happen to you. I meant for you to graduate from that other program. But you kept bringing the name of Jesus into your school papers and presentations. Your final presentation sent a shock wave through the class and your instructors. The enemy didn’t want you to have that much effect on nonbelievers. That was why you didn’t pass into the Ph.D. program.”
“But…” he finished. “Because the enemy stole this from you, I’m going to make sure that you are returned with a seven-fold increase on all your work in school. I will make sure that the enemy will pay for what he did and that you get the increase.” His words reminded me of the verse, Proverbs 6:31 “when the thief is caught, he will pay sevenfold; he will give all the goods of his house.”
I finally had received my answer from the Lord. And I knew that “what the enemy intended for evil, God turned around to good.” My heart is starting to feel normal again, and the tenderness from the overwhelming defeat is melting away.
But how about you?